Intriguing Questions

So much for every day... lol. The day after I am fired up about writing in my blog everyday, I forget. And it wasn't intentional as I made it sound the day before. It just... kinda happened. I was preoccupied with a lot of other thoughts. Just a lot of good things about today... I will just have to write two today! :)

Probably the most personal powerful thoughts today were from Institute class. Two simple questions... "Why did you fall away?" (i.e. live unrighteously in the past) and "Am I giving Him everything?" I was planning on illustrating how we got to the questions, but that would be less fun than discussing my thoughts about them specifically.

First question: I fell away because I was influenced by people not following the Gospel. At the time in my life I fell away most significantly, I did not have a firm foundation. I was easily tempted and swayed by convenience, other people, and opinions. More recently than that, I occasionally lapse and fall away when I begin to go through the motions. I need to REALLY communicate with Heavenly Father on a regular basis. Sometimes, my prayers are so mundane and inauthentic that I could have just said "ditto." The only way God hears me is if I'm ACTUALLY making the effort to talk to Him!! Obviously. Like the parable of the prodigal son, God takes LOTS of steps forward to be excited to have us with Him again. However, that only happened because the prodigal son recognized his bad ways and was on his way back home. So too in my life, God can only offer his almighty hand to help me IF I make the effort to seek Him out! He is always there and waiting to help. He doesn't typically give unwarranted help; it must be genuinely sought. Additionally, I fall away right now when I lose my eternal perspective and fall prey to seek instant gratification. That happens on the daily for sure unless I consciously make the effort to keep focused on the Savior.

Second question: No I haven't given Him everything. I have remained fairly self-centered. I think about myself, my problems, my growth, my life, etc. ALL the time. I'm involved in many things that could serve/help others, but I don't think of it that way enough. I give off the vibe that I'm trying to "get them" instead of serve them. Because of that, I lose a tremendous opportunity to give. It is really frustrating for sure. My pride and desires are not yet where I want them to be. I heard the other day that your happiness is proportional to the amount your desires are aligned with what is right. Having righteous desires... AWESOME. :) The amount of my righteous desires has definitely been on the upswing. More work is still needed.

I'm so grateful for where I am in my life right now. I'm developing the capacity to give Him everything. I make an effort on a daily basis to learn more about Him. I know that associating with people who are giving and spending time with God on a regular basis, my desires will become more righteous. I will never forget a lesson/principle I learned over a year ago at church: IT IS POSSIBLE to not have the desire for sin. The atonement has the power to change me on a deep level where this desire has been taken away. It'll definitely be a long journey, but it is definitely worth it. I CAN'T WAIT! :)