Have you (as a parent) or your parents ever said something to the effect of, "I wish you would stop watching TV and go to bed now. I don't see how you stay up so late watching TV." or "Why do you always stay out so late?" How often does that work? Probably not often because hidden in these statements are the assumption that they will not be followed.
What follows are 5 ways to create a good first impression achieve your desired results.
1. Know what you want.
As I mentioned before in a previous post, people largely will rise up to or drop down to the level of your expectations in them. Before you go into any kind of discussion, it is well to ask yourself the question: "What do I really want from this? How do I want this to go?" Without setting proper expectations, it will confuse the other person. They won't know how you expect them to act! They want to know!
2. Start in the tone you want to end with.
What mood do I want to prevail? You can control the actions and attitudes of the other person to a remarkable extent if you remember to start the conversation with him on the same keynote that you want it to end on. If you want a buying atmosphere, ask about positive purchases in the past. If you want them to enjoy your company, ask them about things they LIKE to do.
3. Remember that a first impression is apt to be the lasting impression.
I used to the farmer's market in Davis regularly and would see a man at one of the stands selling produce. I only bought there once or twice up to this point when I saw him outside of the market setting. He was on the phone using lot of profanities outside a of a sports bar. After listening to him for a minute or two, I decided there is no way I am supporting this guy who is so mean! I have gone to the farmer's market many many times since then and have not purchased from him again because I always remember that instance when he was on the phone. The point is not to recommend holding grudges or judging people, but to realized that one obscure situation can dictate the rest of the relationship. It is very hard to overcome a terrible first impression. After a bad first impression someone once had, she said, "No matter how nice he is for the rest of his life, I could never like him." - That is serious!!
4. Act as if you are somebody.
Emerson once said, "The world must be just. It leaves to every man, with profound unconcern, to set his own rate." This means you get to determine who you are and what you are worth. If you act as if you are nobody, the world will take you at that value. Act as if you're somebody, and they'll treat you like that. Note that the person who REALLY has a good opinion of himself does not go to crazy lengths to convince himself he is somebody. Instead, he is natural and homey. Our subconscious can easily pick out those people who are somebody and those who just pretend to be somebody.
5. Let them know they impress you.
I have fallen into the trap of talking about how awesome I am instead of letting the other person tell me who they are. Everyone's favor conversation topic is themselves (which would explain why it is taking a while to get over talking about myself). The truth is, people starving or dying in a far (or not so far) off land isn't nearly as relevant to people as their own issues in their own life. So give them an opportunity to talk about their interests! Recognize their strengths and complement them sincerely.
This is by no means a complete list, but definitely a good starting point in human relations. Making a good impression is huge. If you would like to learn more, pick up the book "How to Have Confidence and Power in Dealing with People" by Les Giblin. Most of this post is directly sourced from chapter 5. Check it out. It is GOLD. This is only a small portion of ONE chapter in this book.
4. Act as if you are somebody.
Emerson once said, "The world must be just. It leaves to every man, with profound unconcern, to set his own rate." This means you get to determine who you are and what you are worth. If you act as if you are nobody, the world will take you at that value. Act as if you're somebody, and they'll treat you like that. Note that the person who REALLY has a good opinion of himself does not go to crazy lengths to convince himself he is somebody. Instead, he is natural and homey. Our subconscious can easily pick out those people who are somebody and those who just pretend to be somebody.
5. Let them know they impress you.
I have fallen into the trap of talking about how awesome I am instead of letting the other person tell me who they are. Everyone's favor conversation topic is themselves (which would explain why it is taking a while to get over talking about myself). The truth is, people starving or dying in a far (or not so far) off land isn't nearly as relevant to people as their own issues in their own life. So give them an opportunity to talk about their interests! Recognize their strengths and complement them sincerely.
This is by no means a complete list, but definitely a good starting point in human relations. Making a good impression is huge. If you would like to learn more, pick up the book "How to Have Confidence and Power in Dealing with People" by Les Giblin. Most of this post is directly sourced from chapter 5. Check it out. It is GOLD. This is only a small portion of ONE chapter in this book.
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